This is aimed at mental health clinicians who doubt the existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Okay, the title of this post probably makes you want to slam this tab shut. I apologize, deep breathes.

I’m angry. It feels like the 100th time I’ve come across a clinician in a community forum who denies the existence of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It probably doesn’t exist like you think it does. And surely not like most portrayals in the media, but it exists. Maybe it’s the name? Maybe we should change it, yet again.

Let me back up. What are we really talking about here? DID is a dissociative disorder that presents as a fragmented sense of self, memory loss, dissociation or dissociative fugues, chronic depression, anxiety, and self-harming or suicidal behavior among other horrible and debilitating symptoms.

I understand that the science on it is not as robust as we’d like. It’s considered somewhat rare, but not rarer than other things like Schizoaffective disorder (you can Google this, I can’t do all the heavy lifting). It can be difficult to identify in the wild but sometimes when I read something like: “I’ve never seen it in my x number of years practicing”, it gives me pause. Really? I mean, I’m almost 40 and I’ve never seen a narwhal but I’m pretty sure they still exist.

I get why people are unconvinced. It’s the same reason people don’t believe in aliens. Have you ever seen one? No. Have you talked to people who claim they have? Probably not. If you did talk to someone who claims to have seen aliens would you believe them? Also, probably not because they sound, well…you know. And also because most of us have already made up our minds on what to believe when it comes to aliens so no amount of convincing rhetoric would change that. And that’s the problem here. In an industry where professionals should come at this from a place of curiosity, I see an awful lot of scrutiny and skepticism first and foremost.

You can’t refute though, that the majority of scientific and psychiatric communities have studied the materials and come to the conclusion that it is real. In fact, now is a good time to point you to our resources page. Under DID Research you’ll find several papers on DID and one I particularly like from the Harvard Review of Psychiatry: “Separating Fact from Fiction: An Empirical Examination of Six Myths About Dissociative Identity Disorder“. So, I don’t understand how you can still sit there and say that you don’t believe it exists? In the spirit of understanding, I’m going to look at it from another perspective.

You’re right that there may be a misdiagnosis at play in some people diagnosed with DID. Some folks who get a DID diagnosis are initially told they have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, adhd, etc. and the vice versa, they may actually have one of these disorders instead of DID. And, I admit it’s hard to pinpoint which symptoms are coming from where as there’s a ton of comorbidity in play with DID. So, I don’t think anyone will tell you with certainty that x number of symptoms experienced in just a certain way will always confirm that a person has DID because the truth is, it’s actually pretty difficult to diagnose. And that’s exactly why there should be a measure of care and a meticulous understanding of the person’s history and current experiences and symptoms.

A few months back, I met a psychologist for some psychological testing related to ADHD and cognitive assessment due to my brain fog and memory. She spent roughly 3 hours with me and that was enough for her to inaccurately report that I do not have DID and instead say that I am confused with the code-switching between situations. My jaw nearly hit the floor. This woman knew almost nothing about me. She interviewed me for maybe 45 minutes and then gave me a series of brain teaser-like tests for our remaining time together. I did not share many of my symptoms with her, or the details and severity of my past trauma from child to adult, because I have come not to trust people with my diagnosis – and for good reason.

I’ll add, I did not ask her for her opinion on my diagnosis. I was there for ADHD testing and again, trying to find some answers on my persistent brain fog. This is why many of those who have DID mistrust authority figures and intentionally hide symptoms. This in turn, makes many clinicians think they’ve never seen DID in person even if they have.

It’s this kind of ignorant an irresponsible judgement that perpetuates the stigma and shame associated with the disorder. If nothing less, clinicians should admit that diagnosing DID is difficult and absolutely not something to be identified based on one meeting with a client. See here for more information: DID Diagnostic Guide.

So whether you believe it or not, yes, it exists. For the record, I met with two different therapists independently who both diagnosed me (I wasn’t even aware of the disorder, this was their assessment). Both therapists spent months with me before discussing the diagnosis with me. And the DID specialist had me take several inventories and spent extensive hours working with me to understand my history and story.

This is why I get angry with the psychology/mental health community. Especially psychologists and psychiatrists who I feel, with all of their advanced training and tools, should know better. And I think, this is why counseling is moving away from the narrow analytical/medical lens of psychologists and psychiatrists checking off boxes and more towards a humanistic approach. One that promotes in-depth work with clients for a more wholistic picture (especially prior to diagnosis).

Because of centuries of scientific progress, humanity is primed to question things from a scientific perspective, a healthy skepticism. But this isn’t just about the science. There is a human standing behind your skepticism. A human who has more than likely been brutally traumatized as a child by emotional, sexual and/or physical abuse. And you’re going to tell the child part of her, a part that still desperately wants to be seen, loved, and cared for, that she doesn’t actually exist. Further invalidating her experiences and pain. Can you imagine anything more damaging than telling an abuse victim that they don’t even exist to you?

And at some point, as a mental health clinician, you have to ask yourself if you are practicing what you preach. Am I coming into this with openness and curiosity? Or am I going in pre-primed with deep rooted skepticism and a mistrust of humanity? I get it, humanity kinda of sucks sometimes. I know it’s probably hard to remain open and curious in a field where you are exposed to so much of the ugly side of humanity. But, I’m here, humbly, asking that you try.

Try to see it from the other side, the human side. Not just what the science says about it, but listen to the words of actual real life survivors. The people who have had their identities, the person they were supposed to be, ripped away from them. They, and all their parts, have a lot to say about it, if only anyone would ever stop and listen. And isn’t that what was always part of the problem?

We don’t care what you call us or if we have a diagnosable disorder according to the DSM. The symptoms are very real. I live with them. Sometimes I feel like I ask myself every other week, “Maybe this isn’t actually real?” as I get torn into pieces by the opposing views carrying on inside myself. I start to question my reality, but then, I regress to a 6 year old child. I reach for my plushie to comfort myself and think about the safety of my therapists sofa as I curl up into a ball in bed, nearly frozen. My voice becomes slightly higher pitched when I talk to my husband. For years I wasn’t even aware of what was happening, but now I have answers. And that’s what has ultimately helped me move forward. It has been truly life-changing.

And I know there are teenagers parading around on the internet, and “endogenic systems”, plural communities of people who ‘choose’ to be that way. Don’t get me started on all that, but obviously if someone’s faking something like DID, they probably really do have problems and are also worthy of being helped.

So if somewhere along the way you, as a clinician, come across someone who is genuinely struggling with their identity, a fragmented sense of self. Who, after months of relationship building, finally discloses the sexual abuse they endured as a child. Who complains of memory loss, dissociation, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation/attempts, or engages in self harm. It could be a lot of things, sure. But all I’m asking, is that you just don’t rule DID out.

If my counselor hadn’t identified it in me, I’d probably be dead. I mean that in all seriousness. I would have killed myself a long time ago. That’s what you’re dealing with. And isn’t saving a human life worth shoving your skepticism aside for a moment and just listening?

So please, don’t be a jerk. Because DID is real.

Check out our resources section for more information.